Sparknotes, Cliff Notes and my Computer Mic

Today, I shall rant about three things I completely and utterly despise.

My computer mic is a piece of crap. I can sing a song perfectly, and it will turn my belted high notes into static and my non-belted high notes into a five-year-old kid's voice. On a video camera or my cell phone? Perfect. To anyone who happens to be in the room? Perfect. I hate this stupid mic! In other words, no Randomness Idol for me.

And Spark/Cliff notes are pretty much the worst things ever. I want to be an English teacher and I swear that if any student of mine ever uses them and gets caught, I will fail them. Teachers have you read those books for a reason and that reason is so that you can actually learn something from them. Just because they were written over a hundred years ago doesn't mean they're bad books. In fact, they're better than modern books, but--heaven forbid--they make you actually think while you're reading them. Now, I'm not the world's biggest fan of The Scarlet Letter or Wuthering Heights, but I'd pick them over the trash teens are reading today. I've lost count of the times where I'll be reading a favorite book and someone comes up to me and the following conversation or a similar one ensues:

Them: "What class are you reading that book for?"
Me: "I'm reading it for fun."
Them: "Fun? That has to be the dullest book ever!"
Me: "Have you read it?"
Them: "No. I couldn't get past the first sentence."
Me: "I see...Then how do you know whether or not the book is dull?"
Them: "Because it's old."
Me: "What does that have to do with anything."
Them: "Old books are dumb. They don't have anything to do with real life."
At this point, I have one of two different responses:
If they're holding a sci-fi/fantasy book, I burst into uncontrollable laughter.
Otherwise, I say, "Yes, it does. Now go away, I'm trying to read."

I've read modern books before, and apart from a very select few of them, they're utter drivel. There really isn't a point to them other than to tell a story--and in most cases, not even an entertaining one. So next time you're trying to recommend a book for me, do us both a favor and don't. Unless you happen to be an English teacher.